For All You Momma's Out There....

Here we go…Just when you think I’m going one direction….I go another! Bless my Bloggin!

I come to you momma’s with a strong and softened heart….

Since having Miss Annabelle Cate, motherhood has grown from the mere vocabulary word to deserving it’s own section in Barnes & Nobles. I have come to find that there is this huge battle in life, where everything around you COMPETES for 1st place (with the understanding that your faith HAS to be FIRST). You’ve got your marriage relationship, your children, your commitments...job…school…other roles you adopt in life…and then of course that precious need for “ME time,” (whatever that is) ALL of which is saying… “NO! I matter more!”


Something that constantly comes to me, is the difference in working and stay at home moms. Not better, not worse. Just DIFFERENT! And yet...the similarities! Our demands are different, our days are clearly different, our schedules are different, but the truth remains the same…. “Am I good enough? Am I being the best ________, __________, and _________ I can be?” And lest we forget (not Gethesemane-thank you church hymnal) but the ever important, “Who do I come first for? or When do I get ‘me’ time?” P.S. forget about quality time with friends, that’s a thing of the past.

Now as a working mom, I know there have sometimes been differeing opinions about working and stay at homers, whether spoken or un, and just know, what's best for one is not always for all! 

I am totally amazed by my awesome sisters in law and girlfriends with their ability to maintain their homes, raise their kiddos, get to the store, lose their baby weight, keep a smile, all while they stay at home with multiple kids, no lunch break, vacation time, sick days... and have a plan for dinner while waiting for daddy’s to come home and help. From Stephen and I, we applaud you stay at home moms! It’s not easy!! Stephen stays at home w/ AB more then I get to, and if he does it 2 days in a row, I KNOW he needs to just get out of the house or get AWAY when I get home so he can breathe! As for me, my weekends, I tend to hog Annabelle and soak up my time with her because I've missed her all week. Though on those extended weekends, i.e. labor day, memorial day, etc…I feel it a bit, the need for pure adult interaction. I don’t hate going back to work sometimes! So kudos momma’s, we love and respect all you do. Stay at home mommy-hood is a 24/7 job….with no such thing as a “sick day,” because even if you have family come and help or hubby stay home, you are still MOM and only you can fix certain things, like boo boos, breakfast just right, and tucking in at night.

To my working mom’s, you are my soul mates. There is a bond and a heartstring that we wrestle with daily that, I regret to say; I don’t think will ever go away. The times that the few friends of mine who do indeed work, and toil with the desire not to, and I have had “over the phone therapy sessions” about things are- of all things- humbling. That’s why I’m writing this. I just talked to one of my dear friends tonight who is struggling with that mommy guilt of, “Am I enough?” My hear breaks. How many times have I felt that way? How long will I feel torn between duty and desire?

My heart breaks for my sisters who have felt, feel or will feel as I have, that you are faced with a cross road, and though you want to go to the left, it’s blocked by bills, debts, goals, plans, obligations, and so much more. So we return to our jobs after that luscious thing called Maternity Leave….where you were ACTUALLY PAID to be a stay at home mom! We return to work, and for the first 3 months back, you cry by the time the clocks strikes 4, wait until you can leave, rush home, and cry when you hit the door, making every effort to remember to greet and love your husband first (in my case b/c he’s often there with her). Then I swoop up that baby, smother her with kisses, and honestly...pop my boob in her mouth because I want her to remember who nourishes her and has the goods!! And because it literally alleviated so much of my stress and longing to feel close to her.

The moment hit me at about 6 months where I stopped crying everyday about working.


****Let me interject here, that my decision to work was just that, my decision. Stephen offered to work overtime, (which means Annabelle and I would LITERALLY, never see him), and let me stay at home, though we would not have much cushion, and a lot of the things we enjoy in life would have to be cut.


But even though I was feeling more at peace with juggling the roles I had taken on, At least every month or so, I feel that tug on my heart to throw it all out and just snuggle up at home with my bug. Play games with her, teach and train her on how to do cute fun things and learn more and more, feeling so incredibly accomplished as a mom… “I did that!” Even having the opportunity to enjoy my wonderful stay at home mommy friends with playdates and MOPS and cool things that seem so foreign to me. How I wish I could do that. I love my friends and family- and we all pretty much had babies at the same time, and I long for our babies to know each other so well as they grow up!


So, what is my point in all of this? Priorities. Where do they really fall? And is what we choose now for ourselves and our families more important NOW or LATER? Which is more important?  WHO is more important?


This is what I know…
*If I am not paying attention to my spiritual needs, ALL will fail, and HAS at times.
*If I am not prioritizing my relationship with Stephen, our “love bank” will be empty, and that will drastically effect our family and our example of a marriage to Annabelle.
*If I am not prioritizing my family/Annabelle over other obligations, those other obligations will not be successful, nor will I enjoy them.
*If I don't schedule in "ME time," it WILL NOT HAPPEN!
***And ultimately, if I am not honest with myself and vulnerable with my husband, specifically, by being HONEST and FORTH COMING with my needs, my needs will never be met, nor will my help meet be able to support me in those difficult moments.

And from the Marriage Therapist in me….

Talk to your husbands! Remember that you’re a team, and a team who talks together, plays well together, and at the end of the day, win or lose, they know that they gave it their all and tomorrow is another day.

Also, prioritize your marriage! What better gift can your children receive then that of a good example of marriage and how to relate to others? YOU are their model for life! If you are choosing them over your spouse, they will learn this way of prioritizing things. When you are not just satisfied in your marriage, but fulfilled, your children, work, and other roles will be the blessings that overflow from your over-running cup!

Take time to fill up.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.